Confessions of a Free Range Prolapsed Catholic

Some days are diamonds, some days are pretty shithouse!

Praise be to God for pain killers that can only be purchased in lots of 20!

Praise be to God for medication that restores bowel movements after painkillers that can only be bought in lots of 20 even if drinking it tastes like the smell of drinking laundry powder!

Praise be to God for husbands and sons who wrestle with the frustration of witnessing the pain of wives and mothers and who get angry because of it. Mind you, this is not the most helpful of responses but it does snap me out of thinking I am going through this alone – for a split second! 

I would like to call down a pox on all physiotherapists, but that is probably a little harsh. So a pox on data gathering of angle of knee bend and leg straightening.

its 3.26am. The dog is snoring on the lounge. Triple L is in the land of nod so too is son and heir and I am wide awake and fidgety!

I have to present myself to the surgeon for the six weeks post operative check up at 10.00am today. I’ve got the outfit ready, just have to psych myself up.

It’s a rapid learning curve I am on and it sets me pondering all the things I have said to my friend Anne who endures complex regional pain syndrome that must have made her want to belt me in the face with a dead fish! Thing is there is bugger all that can be said to take the pain away except perhaps ” can I get you an endone?” No amount of ” have you tried……….” , “I think you should……” “Where does it hurt most?” “Have you had this pain before?” , or even the standard data gathering verbal placebo ” on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain” to which my most accurate response on a shithouse day would be “the head has just crowned and I do not want an episiotomy” – something no man, no matter how beloved, would have the slightest idea about – there just are NO words …….except “can I get you an endone! ”

Its now 3.51am and I am starting to nod off so I will hit the hay. Looking for a happy thought to carry me over the threshold of consciousness  this has just occurred to me. At least the six week post operative appointment will not involve an internal examination!