Who’d be dead and missing out on all this fun?

2.15 am. Knees awake and letting me know. Sitting in the recliner. Dog is snoring in his bed, apart from that, the house if blissfully silent. I am swathed in a blanket and have a rug I have knitted wrapped around my shoulders. It’s a bit chilly. I wonder what sun up will bring and I am hoping it will not bring a repeat of today.

It continues to amaze me that even though I am sometimes overwhelmed with frustration and a sense of ” why me”, I am snapped out of it by some set of circumstances that restores my “fight” and diminishes my ” flight” impulse and the events of 29/5/17 have been no exception!

Triple L and I would have been at the pool this morning except that we were both feeling a bit below par. He went back to bed till 2.00pm!  I fossicked around. I had to make us lunch which was a bit of a challenge but I did it. He finally announced that he thought a trip to casualty was in order because his heart beat was erratic and he had some lpain in his left arm. Assuming my usual stance in circumstances like these, I became a blubbering hulk and began considering where the funeral would be held! Thank GOD for child number 4 who took him up the casualty and then came back to collect me once Triple L was settled

He is OK. Heart was in irregular rhythm, possibly stress related, he has to cut down on his caffiene intake and come back if it happens again.

The doctor in charge was on duty the last time I went to casualty – a friendly, funny, very thorough fellow. We fell into conversation and I had a moan about the knees. Turns out my specialist had been his intern, he showed me a picture of his enormous bike, the same as his former intern’s and talked about what a good doctor his former intern was. I mentioned knees once too often and he said, “can I say something? The knees are mechanical. They are machines. Understand? The pain will get better if you lose weight.”

Number 4 child and Triple blanched!! “can I say something” came out of my mouth. ” I have lost five and a half stone sine June last year and I am still losing!”‘ Sensing the need to deflect he moved towards a Triple L and said “you could lose some weight too” ! Long, lean and loveable’s response to that was to demonstrate HIS  weight loss by showing  the number of holes in his belt he now bypasses and like duelling banjoes, the good doctor did the same! Not to be out done, I pulled up my sleeve, flexed my now clearly defined bicep,  but more importantly wobbled the drooping three inches of  “excess skin” which make my little grandsons burst into fits of laughter!

I once met a woman who I had not seen in a long time and who had lost a truckload of weight. She looked terrific. However, when she leaned her head forward , her face seemed to slide off its foundations! The same thing happens to my torso when I lean forward – it’s like one of those massive mudslides you see after torrential rain.i guess I could have shown the good doctor that, but we needed to get home.

Long lean and loveable is ok  To celebrate we ordered pizza for the first ime in a year!

Greetings from misery farm.

I’m miserable, so miserable

down on misery farm!

i remember this bit of the song from my childhood. It was sung in a mocking way whenever someone in the house was down in the dumps in order to snap them out of it. Well I have been singing it to myself tonight!

I had an alright kind of day. Long , lean and Loveable and son left early today to go to archery. This gave me a day to myself. Sadly though, it did not provide me with much by way of opportunity to kick my heels up!

HEELS! Boy are they giving my grief. Apparently walking up and down a 9 step flight of stairs at least 6 times a day for 3 and a half days, turns your Achilles’ tendon high powered revenge weapon and so, for the present, my lovely long, straight gait resembles a bent over bit of a shuffle when I succumb to the feeling of a whipper-snipper carving up the Achilles!

TAIL-BONE! I would not normally raise this area of my person in polite spoken or written communication. But I remain under the influence of pain killing drugs which I feel gives my licence so to do! I cannot lie on my left or right side in bed. When I lie on my back, my fear of waking up choking, having had a terrifying similar experience in hospital ( that’s another story!)is enough to give me a panic attack and so I sleep between two wedges in the shape of a capital V with my new knees hanging, in air over the top of the contraption.

FOUR DAYS LATER!

same position…in bed, knees up but not as high as before! I have decided, in an attempt to improve my quality of sleep to abandon the ” wedge” and resort to a memory foam pillow which just elevates my knees a bit. so far so good but the bedroom is littered with my grabber, my walker, my wedge, a torch and a different blanket just in case I have to revert to the usual arrangement! My trusty bed stick remains ensconced beside me and I have downed the endone for the evening. I am hoping to sleep for a longer stretch! TAIL BONE is not protesting at present…..touch wood.

Continuing my list of misery…..

CLOTHES – sometimes my knees go nuts and object strongly to material that might come close to them! Synthetics ( which is just about everything) itch, anything with a bit of stretch in it – jeans, leggings, pants even skirts seem to generate enough heat to start a forest fire on the hairs on my legs. I have not shaved my legs since the arrival of the new knees because I am terrified I will cut myself and bleed to death courtesy of the blood thinner Pradaxa which I have been taking for nearly a year!

My bras are too big! I adjust the straps in the hope of a bit of uplift and the pressure on my shoulders becomes almost unbearable! The left strap goes straight over the middle of the pacemaker scar making it sore and itchy and on the odd occasion the pacemaker does a little shift and pops out to greet me. A gentle roll of the shoulder and it clunks itself back! The technician assures me this is not unusual but adds a note of caution not to be too “rough” in getting it back in place because ” we would not want the wire to your heart to dislodge”! Oh? really?

physically it is much easier to ” keep my chin up” these days because I now have only one of the. But mentally? Well I write as if I am wallowing in misery and that is because I am! To use a recent catch cry – one which pisses me off really – ” it is what it is”! I AM miserable! SO miserable! Down on MISERY FARM!

BUT…….. The memory foam pillow swap thing has given me some respite. I am typing this at 4.40am having had the longest uninterrupted sleep -about four and a half hours – in weeks.

Triple L continues to look after me, that is when he is not slipping on grapes at the local supermarket! Yup, that’s right! Accident report completed. No damage done at the time but neck and back given a bit of a jar!

going back to bed!