Confessions of a Free Range Prolapsed Catholic

4.13 am! Been for my third walk around the house courtesy of the newly awakened muscles etc that surround the new knees and have developed a penchant for twitching, flexing, “guess who’s back” wake up calls post PHYSIOTHERAPY!!!!  Endone eventually belts them into submission but it’s a battle which often ends with Long Lean and Loveable frantically reminding me that my Mum can’t come to help me in response to my calling out to her AND the house is NOT on fire!

I go to the day program at the hospital twice a week for one and a half hours of ” therapy”. The first 30 minutes are like heaven – hydrotherapy! To be able to walk, do knee bends, squats ( yes! Squats), hamstring stretches ( having only just recently discovered their exact location) tighten and loosen my gluteus maximum  and LOVING the size of my bum for the first time in my life because ” that great big glute will help you move that big fat leg” as the chirpy not yet 30 year old ” land” physio reminded me today!

At the end of the pool therapy, I get 30 minutes to get changed, have a cuppa and cogitate the 60 or so minutes I will experience in the torture chamber euphemistically known as ” the gym”! Six minutes on the leg pedals, 3×5 straight leg lifts on each leg,  forwards walking, backwards walking, sideways walking at the barre, 2×8 heel toe stretches. ” we’ll just measure your bend”…… FUCK OFF begins to rise in my gullet but I control it!

Of course I am and will always be thankful to these honey voiced wonder workers and there have been many tines so far in the process when the tears over which I have had no control, have come from a place of complete awe at being able to stand and walk with minimal assistance from anything other than my legs! But oh the pain! I have learned that there IS a pain worse than a contraction!

4.54 am….going to the “other” pool with long, lean and loveable when the sun comes up……ready to go back to sleep now…oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Glutes  are on the rise! BUGGER!