Confessions of a Free Range Prolapsed Catholic

About twice a week we get a delivery of catelogues. I don’t mind them really. Often times they provide much more interesting information than the daily delivery of the newspaper used to!

I grew up in a journalist family. As a Catholic this always made ” media Sunday” a bit of a challenge. My Dad was a newspaper editor and on media Sunday newspapers generally copped a hammering from the pulpit dweller for a range of reasons all of which were the cause of moral decay around the world!

Catelogues are a safer option. I edit the bundle when it arrives. “The cattle dogs are here” is how my son announces their arrival! This week it was the Aldi catelogue that set the joint a jumping and sent Tripke L on two excursions to the local branch! It was as if Al and Dee knew about my knee replacements! Spread out before me was a veritable field of essentials specifically for ME! If needed I could purchase a collapsible wheel chair, reusable incontinence underwear – for light bladder leakage only! Now some might find the mention of LBL a bit distasteful but let me tell you this, learning to depend with complete confidence on “Depends” has been a source of enormous relief ( pardon the pun) since my new knees!

My bed, in a shared room in a private hospital was furthest away from the toilet. Completely incapable of doing a quick dash to the loo after finding the bed remote to get the back of the bed up, sit up, remove the wedge from beneath my elevated legs, raise the bed to a height that made standing up a little easier, find the walking frame in the dark, unfold it and head off to the little room that even the Queen has to visit filled me with terror at the prospect of a dam burst and a confession  to the night nurse!  So I became completely dependent on “Depends” – only at night I hasten to add!

So now, after Long, Lean and Loveable’s excursions today we have a NEW memory foam wedge for my knees, a bit smaller and better for travelling, a memory foam knee cushion which I hope will help me get back into my usual sleeping position, matching arthritis gloves and the piece de la resistance exercise pedals for arms and/or legs.

He also shouted himself a very cute old fashioned truck planter box for his herbs and solar lights for the new railing on the stairs to the verandah! I noticed Autograph had a scratch and win promotion on today and managed to negotiate my way around the local shop with the help of my Canadian walking sticks to snare a couple of bargains…two sizes smaller than the last things I bought!

Can’t wait fir the next communication from Al and Dee!