I retired two years ago. My life went from flat out like a lizard drinking to almost dead from heart disease ( self induced because of my lizard like drinking) to unbearable pain and immobility. It’s been quite a transition.
But today for the first time in about 10 years I was prompted to go for a walk – twice- just because I felt like it and the sun was out and warm and wonderful. No time restriction so I was not departing 15 minutes before the start of the next lesson so I could get to my classroom in time to get up the stairs, catch my breath and be ready to start the lesson on time. I was not looking down at the Tarmac all the way to check there was no trip hazard that might send me sprawling, an event that would have required me to feign death or at least unconsciousness until the paramedics arrived to collect me. I was not carrying additional baggage ( well physical anyway) so that I could attend an exec meeting at the other end of the school campus after my lesson and return to my office via the canteen in time for lunch! I was not worrying about gaining access to the school hall for the assembly after making some excuse to park my car next to the side entrance to ” mount the stage ” via the ramp rather than the stairs! So much energy put into ways of avoiding the fact that I was ill, I was physically ( and emotionally) disabled and I was in denial!
Maybe I thought no one ever noticed! IDIOT!
Maybe I was such an imposing, threatening, unapproachable figure, people just talked about me rather than to me. Whatever it was I was fooling myself while others fooled with and about me!
But today – post pacemaker, post bilateral knee replacement, post hip replacement I went for two walks just because I could. I wallowed in it and I will do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next day…………