Confessions of a Free Range Prolapsed Catholic

It’s 3.36am on Mothers’ Day and I am sitting up in my pjs having just made a cup of coffee. The dog is snoring away in his bed swathed in the multicoloured blanket I knitted for him. The windows rattle a bit as the wind  gives them an arctic blast and I am just about over it all!

Yesterday I swapped our doona over from summer weight to winter weight. It was wonderful to snuggle under its warmth. Tonight it has been like sleeping under a corrugated iron roof, all bumps and creases and temperatures fluctuating between  meltdown and freezing!

My legs have decided that no matter where I position them, they will only behave for about two minutes and then my frigging artificial knees turn into metal bricks, my new hip reminds me that it HAS arrived, tempting me to roll over onto my side to see if I can reclaim my usual sleeping position. Like a fool I give into the temptation, roll into the position and then panic at the thought that I might have dislocated it.

I sit up on the side of the bed. “C’mon now” my Little Red Engine that could inner voice says to me ” you’re alright! Make yourself a coffee. Sit up for a bit. Do some writing” but it’s cold and I am tired and I rearrange the pillow and lie down again only to receive a wake up call from my bladder! BUGGER!

And then, complete with carpet bag of tricks, toes turned out to the point of being ridiculous ( DISLOCATION ALERT………you can’t do THAT after hip replacement) my Mary Poppins/ Pollyanna pain medicated affected, sleep deprived inner voice reminds me that in every job that must be done – including a 3.00am wee on a cold morning – there is an element of fun and Blue Beryle – my three wheeled walker – and I make the journey to the loo.

The kettle boils. The aroma from the opened coffee jar is like an elixir of sanity, almost. The dog continues his ostinato like snore, the house creaks a bit as the wind stirs itself awake. Coffee’s downed. Perhaps I’ll have another one.

As for Mary Poppins?  Piss off woman, the wind’s changed direction. Pop that umbrella and go fly a kite!